Caring Psychological Counseling

   It should come as no shock to anyone remotely interested in the mindfulness movement that an increasing body of research documents that activities such as meditation and yoga increase quality of life by decreasing stress, depression, anxiety, even reducing pain, inflammation and insomnia. Some time ago a study , widely unreported in this country, that individuals with a meditation practice over 7 years showed significantly more brain mass versus a control group of non-meditators. The study reported those with strong meditation backgrounds had demonstrated growth in several areas of the brain, including the sensory and auditory cortex. This makes sense to those that meditate since meditation is not the total clearing of the mind as popular culture would have one believe. Meditation is the act of slowing down, becoming aware of each thought and each physical sensation. Noticing for example how your back feels, how deep each breath is, as well as, what is that sound com...

It may come as a surprise to those who know me or rely on me for their emotional stability, but from time to time I too suffer from bouts of depression and anxiety. Every therapist does, just as every healthy person experiences mood vacillations. Like waves in the sea, our moods cycle through positive in-the-moment feelings to swells of anxiety to troughs of depression and back again. Just as every day at sea and every ship is different; we all need to learn how to navigate our own personal sea of vacillating emotions. For me, physical activity and later learning to play guitar took me out of the day-to-day struggle and gave me a purpose and goals to strive for. Neither was easy and still aren’t. I struggle each day to stay the course and search for improvement. Philosophers have extolled life as a journey not a destination. That journey has meaning only if you give it purpose. To have purpose something must be worth striving for, and striving is not always easy. For me, and I hope...

  At the time of this writing I am a practitioner with offices near two private universities, both of which attract high-achieving students, I see a number of young adults struggling to face disappointment. In general, our society does a poor job of preparing young people for the inevitable disappointments in life – even more so for those born with “bright futures.” Expectations for these individuals have always been high, whether self-imposed or inflicted by peer pressure or parents. Their lives have focused mainly on achievement and accomplishment. In many cases, self-worth is tied to accomplishment and less on shared values and connections to family and friends. These individuals come to college unprepared for the steep wall of competition. Added to that stress is the newness of experiencing the world of adult relationships for the first time and all the discouragement that may encompass. High achievers in general are vulnerable to disappointment. Yet they are young, intelli...

  Someone once said, “In the land of the free it’s my right to have an open lane in front of me at all times, and Lord help the person who transgresses.” This sentiment seems to say, That's my roadway and I was just about to use it. Or to paraphrase the middle school send-up of the Pete Seeger classic, “This is my lane and only my lane.” Maybe you have a family member or a loved one who drives a bit too fast, trail gates any and every vehicle in front of him, or is always jockeying for the fastest lane, only to swear, bang the steering wheel and roughly switch out of the lane when it slows. Sound familiar? It should. At one time or another it sounds like almost any of us. Where does all of this frustration come from when we drive? Why are our emotions so primed and at the explosive as soon as we get behind the wheel? We know that our trip will take longer than we expect. We know that we will be affected by someone else's bad or slow decision-making skills. So what gives? ...

  Why do I volunteer as a Victories staff person? Twenty one years ago at the time of this writing, a good friend of mine, my therapist, suggested I take a chance on making a change in my life. I was less than fulfilled in my career and was ready for something, but I didn't know what. His suggestion was that I participate in a Victories weekend. Referred to as the Breakthrough Weekend , staffed and run totally by volunteers, it was to be an engaging undertaking with 18 other men sharing their stories and I sharing mine. I was skeptical but open for something new. In the 20 plus years since that time I have returned several times as a lay volunteer and now as a professional therapist. In all that time I have witnessed the incredible transformative power these weekends have on men's lives. As a group, we volunteers sign up for a weekend away from our families in order to witness and be part of the incredible changes men are capable of making. We experience them learn how to...

This year I had the pleasure to be a presenter at a wonderful program for Chicago Public School middle school students at Little Village Academy (LVA) in the primarily Latino Southwest Chicago neighborhood. The school, faculty and students face a multitude of challenges that create impediments to successful learning: gun violence, poverty, drug and alcohol use at home and in the community, and gang intimidation to name just a few. To counter these external forces, LVA just held its 4th Annual Middle School Social Emotional Retreat, bringing together resources from all over the community to help educate and support students’ Social Emotional Learning at this critical pre-teen age. Session topics included healthy relationships, communicating with your parents, depression, violence, self-esteem, hygiene, and drug and alcohol prevention. The most moving presentation on the consequences of gang membership was presented by a self-described “undertaker” who has personally buried over 700 yo...

  Couples counseling is often a more directive process than individual therapy, meaning simply that the counselor has more direct input into how the session progresses. What I tell couples who first seek me out is that couples counseling in my practice is a structure-based, communications-focused method of reaching out to the most important person in your life. It’s a means to re-establish what has been lost or building what may never have been there from the beginning. Couples counseling should be about forming deeper and more flexible connections that can grow and change as individuals grow and the relationship evolves. At the heart of this process is providing the couple with the tools they need to achieve those connections. The counselor’s role is to model the use of healthy communications skills and intuit where the couple is along the road to applying those tools. I often say to my clients, I want them to leave my office being able to do my job. Helping couples manage e...

  Two recent events prompted me to write down some thoughts on the growing field of Art Therapy. First was UB’s Andrea Watkins’ informative article on the Adult Coloring Craze, its benefits and its limitations. The second being the death of one of Chicago’s own, Art Therapy pioneer Harriet Wadeson. Ms Wadeson was the founder of two Art Therapy programs in Chicago, one at the University of Illinois Chicago Campus and the other at Northwestern University in Evanston. The loss of Ms Wadeson, as well as other early practitioners in the field, makes it all the more important for practitioners such as myself, who are trained in the use of art for therapeutic growth to continue to spread the word about the work to which these caring, insightful individuals dedicated their lives. The power inherent in creation is a powerful force within all of us. That drive to create life is a part of the same continuum we feel to create something that defines who we are as individuals. Art can be an...

  What I tell couples who seek me out for counseling when they first come to the office is that what they will experience will most likely not be therapy though the results will be therapeutic. Therapy in most cases should be pursued individually with occasional visits by a spouse or significant other if relationship issues were a primary concern. Couples counseling as I practice is a structure-based, communications-focused method of reaching out to possibility the most important person in your life. A means to re-establish what has been lost or building what may never have been there from the beginning. Forming deeper more flexible connections that can grow and change as individuals grow and the relationship changes is at the heart of couples counseling and providing the couple with the tools they need to achieve that connection is the counselor’s role. I often say to couples that I want them to leave the office being able to do my job. To be able to bridge the difficult times, ...

This article was initially conceived as an advice piece for business owners and executives – individuals who by their own choice eat, sleep, and breathe their businesses – and the positive effects counseling can have on productiveness at work. As so often happens, however, when a topic is examined trends tend to emerge which were not evident before. Here that trend is the increasing level of stress prevalent at all ranks of working and business classes and the negative effects stress can have on one’s health. Today it’s not just the entrepreneur who feels he or she is caught living from paycheck to paycheck. A far greater portion of the middle class now does not have enough savings to financially survive a major setback, such as loss of a job or a major illness. Middle class families are mostly two-income families, with commitment to children, homes and lifestyles. There is also the minimum wage worker, whose stress may come from variable scheduling that makes it hard to find a sec...

  Talking about abuse and neglect in children is such a difficult topic. Until roughly 20 years ago the professional literature including the DSM took a stance that abuse and neglect were very rare occurrences in the United States. So it is understandable that as a nation we have little understanding for what constitutes abuse and neglect and even less understanding of their effects on individuals as they move through their lives. Even today, according to Bessel Van Der Kolk M. D., one of the world’s leading authorities on trauma in adults and children, the DSM 5 fails to categorize child neglect as a traumatic life event. To be clear, we really are talking about trauma in the lives of our children. The Federal Government defines the trauma caused by child abuse as: “Any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation; or an act or failure to act which presents an imminent...

  If your high school aged students are lucky enough to attend one of our area’s more affluent high schools, you’re familiar with the pressures to excel placed on many students within these schools and how the phrase “failure is not an option” has long been replaced by an attitude of “average is not an option.” What has also become clear in recent years is that it is not so much the unrelenting pressure to succeed that has such a deleterious effect on our teenagers as it is the perception by them that they lack options if they don’t measure up. Failure to attain the highest grades and accomplishments equates to total failure. Where does this message come from?  Yes, of course, from parents eager to see their children take advantage of every opportunity. We are all familiar with highly successful adults who were driven to be the best at all costs. Individuals such as Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys or Tiger Woods. Both paid a high price for trading in their childhoods for succes...

There are any number of reasons for why we fall into the trap of being what Alfred Adler (1870-1937) termed over-protective parents. The first being, this was how we were raised. Growing up with a model of parenting where everything was done for the child was and is a symbol of privilege. It would seem only natural for us to give to our children every right and privilege we ourselves enjoyed. Another reason, and maybe most common, is anxiety. Anxiety and fear are closely related emotions. There are an abundance of reasons to experience both as we bring children into this world. Since it is neither easy nor attractive to watch our children fail, do poorly, make mistakes or physically hurt themselves, many parents choose not to experience the anxiety or fear of being mere observers of their children’s lives when they can feel more in control if they jump in and help. In extreme cases, parents who already live with high levels of anxiety are almost incapable of letting the unknown natur...

Contrary to the label, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), this disorder’s symptoms often include a hyper awareness of internal and external stimuli, not a deficit of attention. It is in the outward appearance of an individual’s actions and inability to stay focused where the descriptor “Deficit” comes from. Individuals living with ADHD are continuously shifting their attention from one thought to the next in an often exhausting whirlwind of ideas and activities. They tend to be overly attuned to their surroundings, thus unable to hold focus on a single task.  In children the first signs are often an indefatigable energy, moving non-stop from one half completed task to another. Symptoms that individuals with ADHD exhibit may include:           Boredom with tasks after the newness wears off.           Difficulty connecting emotionally with or having empathy for others, even loved ones.         ...

  Adapted by permission from Marina Williams, MA, LMHC No one wants to waste their time, and let's face it, those copays add up, so I decided to distribute this article to help you get the most out of your counseling. As a therapist, I love helping clients get better. Some of the changes I've witnessed have been simply amazing and I consider myself fortunate to have played a part in a person completely altering their lives for the better. Because I want all of my clients to be able to experience this type of change, I asked myself, why is it that some clients improve so quickly and dramatically while others linger in therapy for years without making any real improvements? Was it something special about the nature of these clients in particular? As it turns out, the characteristics that make someone an "ideal" client are quite simple and anyone can implement them. I've found that just sharing this information with my clients has caused all my clients overall to...