Caring Psychological Counseling

It may come as a surprise to those who know me or rely on me for their emotional stability, but from time to time I too suffer from bouts of depression and anxiety. Every therapist does, just as every healthy person experiences mood vacillations. Like waves in the sea, our moods cycle through positive in-the-moment feelings to swells of anxiety to troughs of depression and back again. Just as every day at sea and every ship is different; we all need to learn how to navigate our own personal sea of vacillating emotions. For me, physical activity and later learning to play guitar took me out of the day-to-day struggle and gave me a purpose and goals to strive for. Neither was easy and still aren’t. I struggle each day to stay the course and search for improvement. Philosophers have extolled life as a journey not a destination. That journey has meaning only if you give it purpose. To have purpose something must be worth striving for, and striving is not always easy. For me, and I hope...

  At the time of this writing I am a practitioner with offices near two private universities, both of which attract high-achieving students, I see a number of young adults struggling to face disappointment. In general, our society does a poor job of preparing young people for the inevitable disappointments in life – even more so for those born with “bright futures.” Expectations for these individuals have always been high, whether self-imposed or inflicted by peer pressure or parents. Their lives have focused mainly on achievement and accomplishment. In many cases, self-worth is tied to accomplishment and less on shared values and connections to family and friends. These individuals come to college unprepared for the steep wall of competition. Added to that stress is the newness of experiencing the world of adult relationships for the first time and all the discouragement that may encompass. High achievers in general are vulnerable to disappointment. Yet they are young, intelli...

  Someone once said, “In the land of the free it’s my right to have an open lane in front of me at all times, and Lord help the person who transgresses.” This sentiment seems to say, That's my roadway and I was just about to use it. Or to paraphrase the middle school send-up of the Pete Seeger classic, “This is my lane and only my lane.” Maybe you have a family member or a loved one who drives a bit too fast, trail gates any and every vehicle in front of him, or is always jockeying for the fastest lane, only to swear, bang the steering wheel and roughly switch out of the lane when it slows. Sound familiar? It should. At one time or another it sounds like almost any of us. Where does all of this frustration come from when we drive? Why are our emotions so primed and at the explosive as soon as we get behind the wheel? We know that our trip will take longer than we expect. We know that we will be affected by someone else's bad or slow decision-making skills. So what gives? ...

  Why do I volunteer as a Victories staff person? Twenty one years ago at the time of this writing, a good friend of mine, my therapist, suggested I take a chance on making a change in my life. I was less than fulfilled in my career and was ready for something, but I didn't know what. His suggestion was that I participate in a Victories weekend. Referred to as the Breakthrough Weekend , staffed and run totally by volunteers, it was to be an engaging undertaking with 18 other men sharing their stories and I sharing mine. I was skeptical but open for something new. In the 20 plus years since that time I have returned several times as a lay volunteer and now as a professional therapist. In all that time I have witnessed the incredible transformative power these weekends have on men's lives. As a group, we volunteers sign up for a weekend away from our families in order to witness and be part of the incredible changes men are capable of making. We experience them learn how to...

This year I had the pleasure to be a presenter at a wonderful program for Chicago Public School middle school students at Little Village Academy (LVA) in the primarily Latino Southwest Chicago neighborhood. The school, faculty and students face a multitude of challenges that create impediments to successful learning: gun violence, poverty, drug and alcohol use at home and in the community, and gang intimidation to name just a few. To counter these external forces, LVA just held its 4th Annual Middle School Social Emotional Retreat, bringing together resources from all over the community to help educate and support students’ Social Emotional Learning at this critical pre-teen age. Session topics included healthy relationships, communicating with your parents, depression, violence, self-esteem, hygiene, and drug and alcohol prevention. The most moving presentation on the consequences of gang membership was presented by a self-described “undertaker” who has personally buried over 700 yo...

  Couples counseling is often a more directive process than individual therapy, meaning simply that the counselor has more direct input into how the session progresses. What I tell couples who first seek me out is that couples counseling in my practice is a structure-based, communications-focused method of reaching out to the most important person in your life. It’s a means to re-establish what has been lost or building what may never have been there from the beginning. Couples counseling should be about forming deeper and more flexible connections that can grow and change as individuals grow and the relationship evolves. At the heart of this process is providing the couple with the tools they need to achieve those connections. The counselor’s role is to model the use of healthy communications skills and intuit where the couple is along the road to applying those tools. I often say to my clients, I want them to leave my office being able to do my job. Helping couples manage e...